Stating the Fear
There is a lot of power in bringing light to fear. Just saying that I am afraid of trail riding gives me more power over my fear. I've also analyzed it to find the roots of this fear. The first root is when trail rides became a place of anxious thoughts rather than relaxation. This traces back to the summer of 2010 when I was a wrangler. I was barely an adult, but was responsible for the safety and well-being of up to twenty-some kids 7 years and up while riding the toughest horses. I was constantly trying to think of everything that could go wrong. Would Jazzy get too far behind? Would Sagebrush go rogue and trail blaze? Is the upcoming trail too muddy or washed out? In the open spaces will the kids try to trot when they aren't supposed to? Will any tack break? How many times will we have to stop for dropped reins? Will the horse I am riding behave so I can watch after the kids? |
As time went on I regained my passion for horses, but didn't really have the opportunity to trail ride. Eventually I got a trailer and in 2015 started with some low-pressure rides with good, understanding friends. It was so much fun even though we had no idea where we were going and even got lost, Inevitably winter came and that year of trail riding came to an end.
The following year, 2016, was a really rough job for me because of a lot of stress in my job. I have a high-energy, sensitive horse and I wasn't able to ride him enough to keep him sane and safe enough. My stress and our lack of riding really put a rift in our relationship. A lot of my anxiety transferred to Zeke and it showed up in our riding. When I went to a clinic my goal was to not get bucked off.
However, I really wanted to get involved in competitive trail riding and there was a near-by clinic that I had signed up for earlier in the year. Now my goal was for neither of us to get injured. I knew Zeke didn't like the trailer, but went for it anyway. Unfortunately there were more circumstances against us than just the anxiety and lack of ride time. It was a cold and windy May morning. Zeke spent the first four hours (his longest streak ever!) tied to the trailer which he hates. We didn't have a chance to warm-up. In fact, he was so wound that I asked to go in the first group out because he needed to MOVE. He was forward and out of control. I only had knit gloves and my hands were raw by the end (his poor mouth, too!). Within the first mile he bucked me off! I got right back on and luckily he got better as the ride went on. |
I wish I could say we had a great time after that. He was fast. It was a two-handed ride again! There were some sandy trails we found. Zeke loves to roll (especially when he is nervous) and the sand was just too tempting! Without warning he went down QUICK! I tried to get him up as fast as possible. In the chaos my t-shirt got stuck on and twisted around the saddle horn. When he got I was stuck until my shirt finally ripped a good way up! At this point I he was so wound up we had to do a lot of lunge circles and I led him until he was calm enough to mount again. When I did mount, we just rode back to the trailer and called it a day. |
My Path to Where I am Now
In 2018 my work stress hit an all-time high. However, I knew I wanted to do more with my horse. We just weren't quite ready for trail riding just yet. Baby steps. First, it was riding in a laid-back Cowboy Dressage clinic (with major jet lag, allergies, and codeine cough syrup). He broke a saddle that day when he freaked out tied to the trailer. We also started doing more in-hand including walks and competing in in-hand trail and Cowboy Dressage Partnership on the Ground.
I determined a "trail" through the pastures and fields that would be a good loop over a mile long (the minimum distance to log a Top Trail ride). I started by walking this until we had expanded our comfort zone enough to do the loop confidently. Then we rode it a few times to log just a handful of miles at home the entire year. It was still progress! Although I will admit it was pretty disheartening to get a certificate for only 4 miles. |
I continued to do a lot of walking with Zeke to build our confidence and continued attending low-pressure Cowboy Dressage events. I have to recognize that, even through it isn't much, I have made progress in 2019. To most people it is less than one ride. However, I was able to log more miles than the previous two years. Most of all, they weren't just rides around the pasture. We even trailered to go ride once even though it was short, fast, and two-handed. There weren't any unplanned dismounts away from home! This was the first time since 2015. That's huge. However, it wasn't all fine and dandy. Alex and I went for a ride down the long driveway, but we had a walk of shame back to the barn. We got back on and rode long enough to get at least a mile for Top Trail, but we were beat up for quite some time. |
My Plan for Further Progress
I'm starting small and slowly doing something slightly out of our comfort zone at home each ride. As long as there is even small progress I am happy! My focus is to make sure that I do keep inching my comfort zone further each ride and not staying stagnant and within the confines of my comfortable limits. I'm also very cognizant so that the exposure to what is slightly out of our comfort zone isn't going TOO far out of our comfort zone too soon so that we end up injuring our confidence instead.
A lot of my path to progress has to do with how I handle things mentally. The most important part for me is to focus on how it will feel if everything goes right! This visualizes a good outcome and keeps me from thinking about what could go wrong (which often becomes a self-fulfilling prophecy!). I have also have had to change my self-talk further to avoid bad thoughts. What I have found success with is positive affirmations. It's hard, but I have to make sure the positive affirmations aren't "NOT" statement (i.e. don't, won't, will not, can't). I will say to myself affirmations such as "I can handle anything that happens", "I am a good rider", and "we can ride past this calmly".
My body and my breathing affects my confidence and relaxation as well. I've tried harder to avoid low-power body posture and consciously assume more positions of confidence and power. This is something I have loved implementing that I learned from Amy Cuddy's book Presence. Mostly this mean expanding your body and taking up more space. When your body expands it naturally creates more testosterone (hormone that makes you feel powerful) and less cortisol (hormone that makes you feel stressed). I also really have to focus on my breathing to help my body relax. I even have an entire blog post on just using breathing for relaxation!
Now I will follow my path to progress and continue expanding the comfort zone as I hit the trail! How do you feel about trail riding? What are you doing to expand the comfort zone while trail riding?