In this post I am going to cover when a goal that I was really excited about and pursuing all of a sudden isn't as achievable or isn't achievable at all. It may be a giant roadblock that causes a long detour or a detour with a more difficult route or the road and all alternates are closed.
My Big Dream: A Cowboy Dressage Liberty Freestyle
The first time I had my goal shattered was last September. This was before I established mission and major milestone goals. I just knew that I had a few BIG goals that I wanted to achieve. They were more like dreams. Last year my dream and the big goal I set for myself and Zeke for years to come was to move through the levels of the Cowboy Dressage Liberty division and ultimately perform a liberty freestyle.
Being a rule-follower and very type-A I made sure I fully understood the requirements and that it seemed possible. There was one thing I was worried about. Zeke is a gaited horse, but these aren't gaited tests. They ask for a jog, not an intermediate gait. I asked many judges I knew about how he would score if he gaited during the jog directives. They told me that as long as he was rhythmic and balanced he would score appropriately. I had tests judged following this standard. I even reached out to the national leadership. I had found a state show saying that gaited horses that gait when asked to jog will receive a maximum score of 4.5 (out of 10) for that directive. I was sent a Facebook message saying they were asked by the founder to reach out to me. They told me the same thing: that I would not be penalized as long as it was rhythmic and balanced. Not only that, but they told me that whoever had that 4.5 rule was wrong and shouldn't be doing that at all. This cleared my mind and I felt like I had done my due diligence.
I knew it would be hard because he wasn't rhythmic or balanced, but we worked on it a lot! He made huge improvements and we made a lot of progress working on the qualifying test we needed to score a 72% or more at the big regional show. We had two shots at it and I was ready! This was the big first step. Once we got the 72% in this test with the halter on we could take any of the four liberty tests with just a neck rope (two walk/walk and two walk/jog). After we get a 72% on all four tests with a neck rope we can try the four tests fully at liberty. Finally, after we get a 72% on all four test fully at liberty can we perform a freestyle. Since these all must be done at a rated show with a recommended judge I knew that time was of the essence because there is only one a year.
My first day went really well! I was super excited to have gotten the score I needed and could continue on the trajectory I wanted to reach my goal. I had earned some of my rewards that I had set for myself when I achieved the goal. For qualifying for liberty I rewarded myself with a custom neck rope that also functions as a get down rope when under saddle. The big show was going great! I'm glad I had that judge first. The next day was not good. After completing the same text the next day for the other judge she told me that the maximum score I could receive for a move when we did not jog was 4.5. It turns out this was true and another founder had JUST posted on my question I asked weeks ago and received the message in response. |
Everyone there was great and tried their best to comfort me. I tried to embrace the remainder of the show as a learning experience. We did really well, but that was based on our first day. Before everything changed. I'm still proud of how we did, and Zeke has no idea about the bureaucracy of it all. But even our accomplishment felt more empty.
I had to accept that it is what it is. I still love Cowboy Dressage, and I still want to be a good ambassador for the sport. I tried to instigate change. An educational movement was definitely launched and now the judges are all very aware of the 4.5 rule. I keep pleading for them to make Liberty gaited friendly. Western Dressage adapts every pattern to gaited horses, but Cowboy Dressage has not adopted that philosophy. At this point I can only hope for change. Until then they have told me to be patient.
So once I had accepted the reality then I could begin moving on. The journey is more important than the destination. How we grow on our journey toward the goal is really important. I still loved Liberty and wanted to succeed at it. However, I did the math, and I confirmed that we cannot pass the second walk/jog 2 test even if we are dang near perfect on everything--including backing up a quarter of a 10 meter circle with bend.
Now to continue with pursing liberty to qualify for freestyle one of two things needs to happen: they change the rules or Zeke learns to jog on command. The first I don't truly have control over, but I can continue to encourage change and grow support for change. The second is a very long and difficult path, but it isn't impossible. It's slightly more probably than getting all other maneuvers perfect. So, I decided to take a shot at diligently teaching my Tennessee Walking Horse to jog. He is very, very pacey and never jogs or lopes. However, I'm going to teach him muscle memory and use positive reinforcement to retrain his body. One of my other goals (that seems less attainable) is to ride him at a lope. By working on his jog I will improve his ability to lope as well because both involve a diagonal pair. In the meantime, I am going to work on getting a 72% in the two walk/walk liberty neck rope tests. I'm still going to make the most of it and do what I can right now.
I also realized that this couldn't be my big goal that I focused on. This is why I created much broader mission goals that were at the heart of what I wanted to achieve. How I get there with my major milestone goals could be flexible.
Recently with COVID-19
Chevy Allen, one of my coaches, posted a great candid video about the importance of having values-based goals rather than outcome-based goals. This was super helpful for me and resonates a lot with what I have learned in the last few months--like making sure my mission goals are values-based. However, I'd be wrong to say that I don't still make outcome-based goals. In fact, a number of my current goals are outcome-based. Many of these are threatened by the uncertainties of the current times.
Even though it wasn't a mission goal, I had one big, time-based goal that I was really focused on. This was to take the exam to earn the Certified in Strategy and Competitive Analysis (CSCA) credential. Once I determined I wouldn't need to take the GMAT I decided to fill the gap between studying for my Certified Management Accountant (CMA) and grad school with studying for this additional credential. I can only take the CSCA after finding out I passed the CMA in mid-March. The CSCA test is only available in March and September.
On March 16th I found out I passed the CMA! I was thrilled and ready to take the CSCA asap before the testing centers thought about closing. Unfortunately I couldn't schedule a testing appointment until the week of the 23rd. On the 17th they announced that all testing centers were closed until April 18th. They would not be extending the testing window, but I could take the test in September without an additional fee.
Again, the goal to take the CSCA exam in March before I started grad school was shattered. I was crushed and knew it was entirely out of my control.
Now I was at a decision point. Am I going to try to take the exam in September? Am I going to just let the dream die?
I had already put in a lot of time and effort studying. I would no doubt need to do more studying shortly before taking the exam. I had paid for and completed the 5 CPE courses and received 21 hours of CPE that I didn't even need yet. Passing the exam would get me 30 more hours of CPE, but I don't need it in 2020. I couldn't justify doing all of that and not following through. I also kept thinking about something I have kept hearing recently: you only fail if you give up. It may take me longer and it may be harder now to juggle studying and grad school. So, similarly to my Liberty dream, I didn't give up, but kept on knowing it would be more challenging now.
Now I needed to come up with a plan. I know September is not a good month. Labor Day weekend is always reserved for family time. August and September involve a lot of practice for the state and regional Cowboy Dressage shows (assuming that far out they won't be cancelled). I will also be very busy with an accelerated month end close (due to Labor Day) and an MBA course. September just didn't seem like a good fit. That meant I couldn't accomplish my goal of taking the CSCA in 2020 at all. However, I decided it would work well in March and that even my MBA course will have a week off for spring break. That was the opportunity I needed! Even better is that now the 30 hours of CPE will actually count for something!
I still had to address the fact that I had one less goal for 2020. I needed to "trade it in". I don't want to let my list of major milestone goals to dwindle. Whenever I do need to strike a major milestone goal out, I replace it with a new goal that is underneath the same mission goal. In this case, I replaced taking the CSCA exam with applying for the Kirchner Food Fellowship. This is a great opportunity that helps me toward my BIG Dream of having a positive influence on agricultural companies by serving as a consultant or board member.
As this unprecedented season of life continues I'll be sure to keep striving to better myself and grow in my horsemanship. As circumstances disrupt my goals and timelines, I will adjust so that I still have the same number of major milestone goals for each mission goals.
I need to remember that it's about making progress and who I become along the journey.